BARRY MITCHELLS FUN AT THE U.N.

tests mike
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the United Nations.  I'll be warming up 
the crowd before we start the speeches, and may I say, you world leaders
bring so much to the Big Apple -- prestige, honor, gridlock ... 
[UN assembly applauds]

Seriously, I haven't heard so many different languages in one room since they
handed out taxi driver applications.

You know, looking around I'm reminded of how much things have changed.
Once Nikita Kruschev pounded with his shoe.  Now there's Boris Yeltsin,
pinching with his fingers.  Hi (?) Boris! [Yeltsin shown]

Listen, help yourselves to the buffet everyone.  Have you tried the hors 
d'oeuvres?  Tastes like they've been around since the League of Nations.
League of Nations?  [silent assembly, with Barry imposed at podium]
Don't you understand English?  Oh, right.

Hey, who's that natty dresser over there in the business suit?.......

sung to the tune of the Beatles' " Michelle"
"Fidel, Farewell, Communism's gone it's time you fell. 
Listen Fidel, Even your own daughter's demonstrating 
at your hotel, poor Fidel."
applause

(spoken) Just kidding! Hope I have diplomatic immunity! Ha Ha!
and who's that brand new proud papa? Right over there -
take a bow, Mr Arafat!

sung to the tune of Yes, Sir, that's my baby
"Yassar, that's your baby. No sir, Don't mean maybe.
Yassar, you're a daddy now... Am I seeing double?
Hate to burst your bubble... A kid born with stubble wow..."
applause

Is this an audience or a general assembly!?! 
Well, my five minutes are almost up folks. Be sure to watch the World Series 
while you're here, You know the Indians are playing the Braves.
Or for the politically correct, the Native Americans vs. the 
Indigenous People!

Ho! All right, one more time, everyone let's all sing for your 50th
anniversary -
"It's a small world after all." Everyone! Hey stick around folks. 
Later on we're gonna trick-or-treat for UNICEF!
Enjoy the festivities everyone! "It's a small world after all" 
C'mon, Security council members only.  "It's a small world after all" 
Very good!  [accordion music trails off]