BEST OF BARRY '95



SCHOOL PRAYER AMMENDMENT Give me that school prayer ammendment, Give me that school prayer ammendment, Give me that school prayer ammendment, Pat Robertson agrees!
INTRO Thalia: "Ah, from the one and only Barry Mitchell, World News NOW's Maestro, all the world's a song. Doesn't matter what. Politics of foreign wars. All the weather all the scores. Whatever. For Barry, it's a song. Every politician gets a verse, and the really big ones keep getting verse. Barry sings, we humor him folks. Of all the biggies: Bill CLinton, Bob Dole, Sonny Bono. And when he's not singing, he is out reporting on the slightly skewed things in life. Like Slinkys, the Texas State Fair, accordian conventions. He also covers the scary things like the Greenwich Villiage Halloween Parade, and the most terrifying of all - the Internal Revenue Service. He always has a lot to do. And now if you can stand it, here's some of what he looked at and laughed at in nineteen-ninety-five.
THE SONNY AND SONNY COMEDY HOUR "It's the Sonny & Sonny Comedy Hour 1995 Sonny Bono : "Hi everyone, and welcome to the show. I'm Sonny Bono, your brand new congressman from California. 1965 Sonny : "Bet you won by a mudslide!" 1995 : "Who are you?" 1965 : "You in 1965!" 1995 : "Get out of here it's 1995. And now I'm Sonny Bono, politician!" You know I was mayor of Palm Springs and now Newt Gigrich has big plans for me." 1965 : "Yeah, mayor of Boystown!
NEW DOLE Housewife: "Those darn rings! I've tried scrubbing and soaking, but nothing gets them out!" Barry : "Sound familiar? Next time you're shopping for a new presidential candidate, why settle for the angry hachetman of campaigns past? In 1996 reach for all new improved Bob DOLE! Yes, say goodbye to the bitter Dole of '76, '80, and '88! All new DOLE has G.O.P. for whiter whites! It's not just the same old thing, it's MORE of the same old thing." {singing} "If mean and nasty doesn't wash, try the new Bob DOLE by gosh." {musical scale up a xylophone}
DEEP IN THE HEART OF TAXES Internal Revenue Service Guide: "we do have the reputation of being the best tax administrators in the world." Barry: "this is the real secure area." Guide: "But these are the tapes that contain the really extremely sensetive security information. It could be password information. We got people on different computers and so forth Barry : {touches tapes} "Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo! CODE RED! CODE RED!
TAKE ME *NOT* TO THE BALLGAME 'Cause now that the baseball players return It's time that the fans go on strike! Keep all your peanuts and Crackerjack, We don't care if you never come back! Let's show the owners and players who's boss, Tell them to go take a hike Hey Selleg(?), hey Feir(?), You can go stick it here! Cuz' now it's the fan's turn to strike
SLINKYMANIA! Barry: "These Slinky's are still hot! These are kinda young. These are when they're brand new. Do you throw these back until they grow a little more and then you harvest them?" Slinky Factory Guide: "No, we just keep them until they can walk."
the legendary KATO SONG Kato wake and he hear a thump. (Kato come live in OJ home) Goes outside, cuz' he ain't no chump. (Kato come live in OJ home) Kato think "Hey, me live rent free!" (Kato come live in OJ home) Goes back inside cuz' he ain't Bruce Lee!
THE SCOTT O'GRADY SONG They're applauding for Captain O'Grady Rescued from Bosnian Serbs. He's in for kisses and lots of hugs Cuz He survived eating grass and bugs.
THE MIR CREW Will Mir miss the plane? I know it's insane! Will Mir crew remain or will they land?
WHITEWATERWORLD A quiet river in Arkansas, a questionable bank loan, and a land development deal gone bad. This summer, Republican Pictures presents a world unlike any you've ever seen... WHITEWATERWORLD!!!
SUMMER NEWS It's time to cruise the summer news, from both far and nee-ar. No one escapes those Fuhrman tapes, they burn your ear. The Citadel, a week of hell, poor Shannon said "I can't." Still life's "divine"... just ask Hugh Grant.
DISNEYABC Chim-Chiminy Chim-Chiminy Chim-Chim Chiree We're glad Disney's gonna buy up ABC. They're a conservative outfit that's true Good-bye dirty talk on "NYPD Blue". You can kiss all those naked butts toodaloo...
O.J. SIMPSON'S BAD GOLF MADE WORSE Announcer: "Now learn from a pro how to dodge resposibillity! Say the wrong things and mangle your public image!" Billy: "It's your daughter she wants to know why you're not at her tenth birthday party." O.J. :"Who?" Announcer: "Yes, let a master show you how to make excuses!" O.J. : "Hello, Larry? Listen... about going over par? It's not my fault. Someone else did it. I was set up." Announcer : "It's like having your own personal Dream Team!" Billy: "Hey, your golf bag is missing." O.J. : "I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to find who's responsible for this dastardly crime!" Billy: "There's your girlfriend Paula." O.J.: "Bye!" Announcer: "Order now! O.J. Simpson's Bad Golf Made Worse. For people who just don't get it!!!"
PEROTNOIA! It's my party, I can buy if I want to, Buy if I want to! Buy if I want to! I'm rich that's true, but I don't have a clue!
GREENWICH VILLAGE HALLOWEEN PARADE Barry: "Hi Joel (Siegel)!" Joel : {Wearing Groucho glasses} "Hi!" Barry: "What's it like when you don't wear a costume? How much different do you look" Joel : {takes glasses off} "Well... actually I'm going as, this is my..." Barry: AIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE." {Barry surounded by drag queens} Barry: "And remember boys and girls, crossdress at the green, not in between!" {Assorted royal laughter}
THE BARRY BEATLE BUDGET SONG Hey Newt, don't make it bad. Take a walk with Leon Panetta. Remember it's cold outside in the park. So after dark, Please take a sweater, sweater, sweater, sweater sweater, AAAAAAAH!
BARRY AT THE TEXAS STATE FAIR We did the 2-step, now I do the 12-step! Cuz' you went and stepped out on me. You can keep your hugs and all your kisses, just bring back the dog and my RV. I see nurses and see docs here in lover's detox, Drying out my tears and misery. You took step class. Hey that's fine! But you stepped out of line, when you stepped out and stepped all over me. And I'll get you, now just you wait and see. Hey, thank you everyone at the Texas State Fair in Dallas. YEEHAW!
OUTRO Thalia: "That was our very own Barry Mitchell & his year-ender. And, you know he is working on a home video, but I he is just..." Antonio: "That might be bad news for you guys, cuz' people might not want to stay up until all these hours if they can just get it on video." Thalia : "Well, that's true. That's a good point. We're in trouble. But Barry's always in trouble. So I mean that's just it, He does keep us going." Antonio: "You're watching World News NOW."
(c)1995 Barry Mitchell Music, All Rights Reserved. For private use by consenting adults. Transcripts provided by Tom, Richard, and Brenda. You can hear a lot of them at what I consider the ultimate WNN web site around (hey I think JSR's blushing) this beauty at http://www.cybernw.com/~jsr/wnn/wnn.html See you next year.