Date: Wed, 13 Nov 1996 18:47:01 -0700 (MST)
Subject: Humor on a two-month excursion

This is the final message in my Canada-Alaska series, a kind of coda.  
Here I share with you some humorous insights.  If you're interested in 
more of my travel stories, you can read a travelogue I wrote about Death 
Valley earlier this year.  It's on my home page.

				***

BEST SAFETY TIP:
Talking to myself while hiking in order to deter bears.

BEST PHOTO OPPORTUNITY:
Standing on the Arctic Circle

MOST DIFFICULT PHOTO:
Running through Dawson Creek, B.C. (without an umbrella) in a downpour to 
shoot the zero milepost of the Alaska Highway.

MOST MEMORABLE DIALOGUE:
While dining in Regina with a young British woman:
	TONY:  Salting before tasting, that'll kill me.
	MANDY: It'd certainly kill you if you ever tried it with a meal I
	       cooked, that's for sure.

WORST ABUSE OF POLICE POWER:
Canadian Customs officer who went through my pockets, camera bag, etc. at 
Ft. Erie, Ontario (bet he was p.o.'d because he was working on Canadian 
Thanksgiving).

BEST USE OF POLICE POWER:
Saskatoon police officer who made us clear the sidewalk cater-corner from 
a burning building half an hour before it exploded.

BEST BUILDINGS:
Bank of Montreal, Winnipeg
Confederation Building, Ottawa
Glass apartment building on Bay Street, Toronto
VAncouver Public Library
CBC Broadcast Centre, Toronto
Banff Springs Resort

BEST VISTA POINTS:
Trafalgar Point, Victoria
Summit of Sulphur Mountain, Banff
CN Tower, Toronto
Skylon Tower, Niagara Falls, Ont.
Muncho Lake, B.C.
Stone Mountain, B.C.
Bush Pilot Memorial, Yellowknife

MOST UNDERSTATED TOURIST ATTRACTION:
Birthplace of Winnie the Pooh, White River, Ont.

MOST OVERSTATED TOURIST ATTRACTION:
West Edmonton Mall

LEAST COMPELLING TOURIST TRAPS:
Santa's Workshop, North Pole, Alaska
Souvenir shops in trailers on the Alaska Pipeline Haul Road

MOST COMPELLING TOURIST TRAP:
Niagara Falls

BEST REFERENCE TO "THE SIMPSONS":
Moe's Tavern, Lloydminster, Sask.  (no, I didn't call...)

BEST ANIMAL ENCOUNTER:
Dolphin shows at West Edmonton Mall

WORST ANIMAL ENCOUNTER:
Loose dogs in Queen Charlotte City, B.C.

BEST PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION:
Toronto subway system
Vancouver SeaBus
Sault Ste. Marie shuttle (don't care what money you use)

WORST PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION:
Edmonton bus system

BEST FERRY EXPERIENCE:
Standing in the "wind tunnel" at the bow of the M.S. Matanuska.

WORST FERRY EXPERIENCE:
B.C. Ferries's Queen of Prince Rupert; there was some cookie-tossing, 
although not by me.

BEST DINING EXPERIENCES:
All-you-can-eat Italian in Calgary
The Elephant & Castle in Winnipeg

WORST DINING EXPERIENCES:
Horrible food and atmosphere in Sault Ste. Marie
2nd degree pizza burn at Shakey's in Seattle

BEST DRIVES:
Scenic Vancouver Island
Having northern Saskatchewan to myself
The Queen Elizabeth Way

WORST DRIVES:
Speedless in Seattle
Ten foot visibility at night in remote areas of Alaska

MOST PUBLIC DISPLAY OF STOLEN PROPERTY:
Signpost Forest, Watson Lake, Y.T.

BEST REMINDERS OF HOME:
Super Valu store, Fairbanks
Dairy Queen, Whitehorse
WCCO-TV on cable, Queen Charlotte City, B.C.

BEST HOSPITALITY:
The famous James A. Cherry drove my excess luggage to the bus station 
	in Ottawa despite the fact that his car had just been broken into.
Innkeeper in Yellowknife actually folded my laundry.
Another Yellowknife innkeeper let me stay 13 hours past checkout time at 
	no charge.
Vending machine operator in the Queen Charlotte Islands made a special trip 
to return my $2 coin after I foolishly stuck it in a Coke machine.

WORST HOSPITALITY:
Patricia Hotel, Saskatoon

BEST PLACES FOR QUIET READING:
Legislative Reference Library, Regina
Chapters bookstore, Ottawa
Greyhound bus in Northern Alberta

WORST PLACES FOR QUIET READING:
Theater showing Schwarzenegger film
Aboard "Maid of the Mist"

BEST MOVIE EXPERIENCES:
National Park interpretive films, Skagway, Alaska
Anything for C$1.50 at West Edmonton Mall

WORST MOVIE EXPERIENCES:
"Jack"
"The Fan"

BEST FREE ENTERTAINMENT:
Question Period, House of Commons

WORST FREE ENTERTAINMENT:
Street drunks

BEST EXPENDITURE:
Private stateroom on the Inside Passage

WORST EXPENDITURE:
Slipshod luggage repair in Seattle

BEST IDEAS:
Careful budgeting
Keeping in touch by e-mail

WORST IDEA:
Giving an important key to a bus passenger for delivery in Minneapolis

BEST IDEA (WHICH COULD HAVE BACKFIRED BADLY):
Abandoning my coats at a resort hotel while mountain climbing in Banff.

BEST WEATHER:
September 23 - October 9 - not too cold and nearly free of precipitation.

WORST WEATHER:
Unrelenting rain, October 10-23.

BEST MUSEUMS:
Museum of Man and Nature, Winnipeg
Art Gallery of Ontario, Toronto
National Gallery of Canada, Ottawa

WORST MUSEUM:
Edmonton Art Gallery - barely worth a peek

MOST ABSENT-MINDED MOMENT:
Locking keys in a running car in a remote area of the Cascades.

But don't worry.  No matter how absent-minded I get, I promise I'll always 
remember to

--------
**NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS E-MAIL**

My home page is frequently updated!  http://www.nyx.net/~thill
Tony Hill, Box 14995, Minneapolis, MN 55414  (612) DRY-RICE  thill@nyx.net