Welcome to

Welcome to town, stranger! We don't get many visitors 'round these parts, but dagnabbit, when we do get one we like to treat 'em to the grand tour. Take a gander at what we've got cookin' out 'chere in the town:

• Since yer a stranger in these here parts, ya might want to mosey on over to City Hall; the mayor'll be happier'n a pig in waller to tell ya 'bout the town. He might even treat ya to some hog jowl stew, if ya ask him nice-like.
• We got culture in these here parts, too... the museum just might be open today. The town history and the story of our founder's life'er over there.
• Not too long ago they put in one a them new-fangled movie-picture-shows out at the edge a town. Ya might want to head out there to see what that Harrison Ford boy's doin' these days.
• You look like the readin' type... ya might get some jollies from stoppin' by our town newspaper, The Quirky Times. The editor over there's a little on the crazy-in-the-head side, if ya know what I mean, but he's a good guy over all. He keeps a file of all sorts of stuff he wrote... the paper's mostly opinions, you understand, and some classified ads, but it makes fer perty good readin' if ya ain't got no corn or nothin' to pick.
• We also got a dang good Library with a heckuva bunch of lookup books. If ya need to find something, that's yer place to go look.
• Did I tell ya we got our own TV station? It's KQRK TV, and they got some Gospel shows and some cartoons and some other stuff on there.
• Are you a guitar picker? Some of you musical types like to stop by the music hall. They never have no concerts in there, but they'll point ya to some info about some of them rock and roll bands and some more music stuff. I don't go fer much of that rock and roll, but them kids really seem to like it.
• If ye'r still here on Sunday, you could stop by the church. 'Course they're open every day, so ya might want to stop by anyway. The preacher'll always be glad to give ya a sermon 'er two.
• Say, you ain't lookin' fer a job, are ya? If ya are, you should head over to the job office to see if they can help ya find something.
• Are ya hungry? Well, stranger, we got jest the place for ya. Stop over at Mike's Magic Sandwich Shoppe fer a few minutes. You'll never be the same again!
• There's some people who live out in the suburbs... bet y'all didn't think a one-horse town like this'un would have any suburbs, didja? Well, we got 'em, so if ya want to meet some locals besides me and the people ya run into around town, you can mosey out that way.
• Before ya do yer moseyin', though, ya might do like Bessie 'n me and check in at the weather station ta see if it's gonna be a mite chilly... with old bones like mine I gotta watch out for the cold.
• 'Course, if ya get tired of our company, you could always stop over at the travel agency; they'll be happy to send ya somewhere for totally free. Ya might not end up in them Virgil Islands, but you'll end up somewhere!

This site has been declared a squirrel-free zone.

One last thing:

• This home page is maintained (sometimes) by Michael Jones.