EXCLUSIVE photos show Betty Swallocks' award hopes crushed
Friday June 19, 2008

Betty Swallocks is in seclusion, a source close to the celebrity confirms to THWheelersMagazine.com.

She briefly left a London clinic this morning to call her PR agent, her rep tells Us.

"Yes, that's true," the rep says.

A source told reporters, "Betty showed up to the Glamour Ride thinking she totally had the best dressed award sewed up," funny, considering our EXCLUSIVE photos showed Betty sewed to her bike.

Her rep confirmed, "Betty was disappointed with the results." But stopped short of claiming that jealousy had anything to do with the decision, a deliberate snub. It is never a good idea to upstage the fashion judge.

The so called Glamour Ride is an annual event of the Tower Hamlets Wheelers, a local borough group of the London Cycling Campaign. It is an effort to bring much needed glamour and fun to cycling.

Betty was later seen with numerous glasses of champaign, said a number of witnesses, possibly to drown the disappointment.

"It is all sour grapes", said another source. They went on to say that the ride is all about fun and it was an honor to be part of the event. THWheelersMagazine can confirm this person only won a crappy postcard in the awards ceremony.

Organizers tell us that next year will be even bigger and more spectacular.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

TO: EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD
FROM: THE SPIN DOCTORS OF BETTY SWALLOCKS

LONDON, 20TH JUNE 2008

[LONDON, NEW YORK, PARIS, MILAN, TOWER HAMLETS.... even HACKNEY]

THE world of high fashion took London by storm yesterday in what is now a MUST attend for anyone who is anyone in the glamourista cycling scene.

SEQUINS are definitely back in force this season, as are sheer tights, big hair and knitwear for bikes which is bound to catch on, making its premier outing, exclusive range of designer bike knitwear from ANEETA, and the award for the best legs going to Rachel. (Judges to release the official list of winners shortly, because frankly there were so many prizes and I was too sozzled to be paying much attention.)

London didn't know what had hit it as the 20+ strong troupe of fabulous glamourists took to the streets on their bikes to show the world how it's done. The ride, which is now in its third year, which has to be the best yet, set off from Mile End, down to the South Bank with lots of media attention and blatant self-publicity.

The competition then got seriously serious with the prize-giving by top glamour cycling judge SISTER SLATER, who stepped in at the last moment when regular judge LOVELY LEIGH was unable to decide what to wear in a freak wardrobe emergency and had to pull out. "I'm gutted" sobbed Leigh. "I just can't make anything go with ANYTHING! And what possessed me to buy those shoes? It's terrible....!" Has the pressure got too much for Leigh? Will she have decided what to wear by next yet? Only time will tell.

It is rumoured that SLATER had turned down at least 8 other engagements to make this top event.

All bets were off though, as SISTER SLATER delivered the awards to some surprising, and frankly we thought, quite cheap, candidates. Definitely appreciated were real glamour, understated and sophisticated look for 2008.

It was nearly handbags and glitter flying when BETTY SWOLLOCKS, who was tipped to clean-up the awards ceremony (rubber gloves at the ready!) "I can't believe it." sobbed SWOLLOCKS. "I was sure I'd win every prize going. How COULD they? What is the judge thinking? Sister Slater is clearly out of her mind! (maybe we are all out of our minds?)"

SWOLLOCKS, whose look some had likened to Maria Antonia Josepha Johanna von Habsburg-Lothringen (November 2, 1755 - October 16, 1793), known to history as Marie Antoinette, "or possibly just some old slapper on a bike" commented one fashionista, was almost inconsolable, until finally she was awarded a prize, a box of thin air from South London.

There were rumours abound that SWALLOCKS' tits are not real. "Of course they are real" commented her agent and boob and costume hire shop.

SWALLOCKS later hit the mobile champagne bar. "It's all okay now. I've had a drink or three. Of course I accepted the thin air, but I exhaled it quietly when nobody was looking. Cheap!" "Tell me honestly" added SWALLOCKS between sips of champagne - "It's too fussy isn't it? Too fussy? It's too much, isn't it? And my bum looks massive in this dress. I told the designer I wasn't convinced. But you have to take a risk occasionally. That's glamour for you! So fickle." There's always next year.

The competition is getting serious now. What will the GLAMOUR RIDE deliver next year? It can only get bigger, bolder and better. Will London cope? Event organisers refused to comment amid rumours that the glamour ride could soon be going global. "How did you know about that? That's all strictly under wraps" commented one organiser, although we have secretly suspected for some time they just make it up as they go.

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