I carried my lunch tray toward Larry's and Leo's table, feeling drained. On top of not getting much sleep in bed with Sumner last night, the adrenaline that had carried me through the morning had deserted me. I wished I could go back to my room for a nap, but I had a class at 1:00.
Both Larry and Leo were smiling expectantly as I pulled out a chair and sat. Larry spoke first. "So? How'd it go?"
I smiled and sighed, feeling the exhaustion still more now I was sitting down. "He was great. I know he would have wished he could have lasted longer, but it was pretty understandable that he didn't. He's the lucky one. At least he gets to rest now."
Leo looked at me sympathetically. "Long night, huh?"
I nodded. "I'll sleep about ten hours and get over it... oh, shit." I frowned. "I have to figure out whose room to live in." I had understood that from the start, but had pushed it out of my mind with all the hubbub of Sumner's sendoff.
Larry cleared his throat. "We were meaning to talk to you about that..."
I looked up, realizing what Larry was going to say. "We can't do that. They wouldn't let us."
Leo shook his head. "No, it's okay, we checked. There's no rule that says a First Year can't share a room with Second Years. The question got all the way up to the Dean, and he said it's okay."
"That'd be..." I stopped; my mind spun, conflicting thoughts flashing through it.
Larry squinted at me. "Wynn? You'd want to, right?"
I sighed and rested my chin in my hands. "I'd love to live with you guys more than anything. Except..."
Larry bit his lip. He and Leo sat silently, waiting. They could see the fight going on inside me, and sensed it was the wrong time to push me.
I groaned and shook my head. "Okay, listen. I love both of you. You're the best friends I've ever had. But... I know I need to live with other boys in my own class."
Leo shook his head, puzzled. "What difference does it make?"
My eyebrows knit as I tried to put it in words. "I... well, I'm glad you know me well enough that this won't offend you, because it won't surprise you. You're both really important to me, but nothing's more important than being the best Hanging Boy I can be. And I learn more by being with First Years. They're studying the same material I am, and... it's like we all need each other. I understood a lot of that science stuff better by helping Sumner with it — it was really cool the way a lot of it straightened out in my head because I was trying to explain it to him! I wouldn't have that if I was with you. You see what I'm saying, right?"
Both of them looked at me in silence, and finally nodded. Larry said, "But you'll still come and see us and spend the night sometimes?"
I laughed. "Maybe you don't know me, if you had to ask."
Leo grinned. "Okay. So tell us all about the demo."
I sat a moment, deciding where to begin. "Have you ever seen the play..."
I quickly gathered my notes at the end of my afternoon class, intending to stop Jack on my way out, and looked up in surprise to see Jack and Eric standing by my desk. Jack spoke first. "Have you found anybody to room with yet?"
I laughed. "Maybe I have. If you were about to invite me."
Jack laughed with me. "Yeah, I was talking with Eric. We'd love to have you."
I grinned. "Well, that was easy. Let's go talk to Gil and Brian."
The dorm parents weren't in when we arrived at their room — the note on their door said they were interviewing a potential buyer for Brian. I shrugged. "I need to get some studying done, and start getting my stuff together to move it. Let's try them again after dinner."
Jack nodded. "Sure. See you then."
After dinner, Jack, and Eric and I went down to Gil's and Brian's room again, to get approval for the new rooming arrangements. Brian had gone down to the gym for a workout, but Gil was in the room, studying the script for his hanging, which he hoped to perform in the near future. Gil simply ascertained that all three of us were happy with the arrangement, though it was hard to imagine why we'd be there if we weren't. As we turned to leave, there was a knock on the door. I was closest, so I opened it, and was surprised to see Shaw, Maverick's roommate, standing there in tears. It wasn't at the tears that surprised me, just that he was here right now. I would expect tears — or even homicidal rage — from anyone who shared a room with Maverick. And Shaw, who had struck me as being bubbly and upbeat when I first met him, had become steadily more withdrawn as the weeks went by. I looked at him sympathetically. "What's wrong, Shaw?" I could easily imagine.
Shaw sniffled out, "Is Gil or Brian here? Oh, hi Gil," he went on, looking past me. "Gil, is there any way to switch roommates?"
Gil answered, "Well, sure, if it's okay with everybody involved. What's wrong?"
Shaw sat on a nearby bed and tried wiping his eyes. "I... I just can't stay with Maverick anymore. He makes me feel so... like I just can't do anything right." His face was wet again.
I sat beside Shaw on the bed and stroked his shoulder. "You just have to stop listening to him, Shaw. You know there's nothing wrong with you. It's just Maverick being Maverick. He makes everybody feel that way. You're just closer to the line of fire."
Shaw glared at me. "I know! That's the problem I'm trying to fix! Let him shoot at somebody else for awhile!"
Gil cleared his throat. "Have you talked with Maverick about this? Maybe he has some ideas about who he could... get along with better."
Shaw wailed, "He doesn't even know I'm here. And it's not like he'd tell me anything personal. Can't you just pick out somebody to stick him with?"
Gil shook his head sadly. "It can't work like that, Shaw. Everybody's already spent a month building a relationship with their roommates. We can't just step in and wreck that."
Shaw burst out furiously, "So I have to be wrecked then? He can just live by himself! I know he'd be happier without some idiot sharing his room!"
Gil said patiently, quietly, "It can't work like that either, dear. There's so much training all of you do in your rooms, and you have to have a partner for it. Only the Dean could approve a boy living by himself, and I can't imagine him doing it." I had lived by myself in a room for a month, but that was different — I hadn't been a student yet, and wasn't allowed to do the things you needed a partner for.
Shaw let go of his hardest sobs yet. "I can't do it, I can't! Please!"
Still rubbing Shaw's shoulder, I looked up at Jack and Eric. "Could we go out in the hallway for a sec?"
Both boys blinked at me. "Umm, sure."
I followed them out, closed the door, and said in a whisper, "I couldn't ask you in there, with Shaw sitting right there, but is there any chance you'd be willing to let him room with you awhile?"
Jack looked back in puzzlement. "I'm pretty sure they wouldn't let four boys share a room, even if we wouldn't all drive each other nuts in a week in that tiny space..." He stopped as he saw me shaking my head. Jack's jaw dropped. "No, Wynn. Stop. You're thinking of doing something crazy. There's got to be another solution..."
"Jack, Shaw needs out and Maverick needs a roommate. And I need a roommate. This will fix everything."
Jack burst out in astonishment, "Why would you even think of rooming with Maverick??"
"Why would anybody, Jack? But somebody has to."
"But why you??"
I couldn't believe the idea had come out of my mouth any more than anyone else could, but it somehow had a logic of its own. "I could learn so much from him..."
Jack shook his head violently. "He'll beat you down like he has Shaw. You'll be back here crying in a month. A week!"
Before I could reply, a fresh burst of sobs came out through the door. I sighed and looked at Jack again. "You can hear him, right? You can imagine how it's been for him. If they make him keep on sharing with Maverick, he'll volunteer for the next demo, and solve his problem that way, but that still leaves Maverick needing a roommate. Jack, think of everybody we know..." I waved an arm back toward the First Year hallway. "Is there any other boy you can think of who's going to say, 'Oh, sure, I'll room with Maverick'? You know it's me or it's nobody. And it has to be somebody."
"Wynn, you don't have to sacrifice yourself just to solve an administrative problem. Let the Dean figure out what to do!"
"Jack — I can learn from him." I turned to Eric, always the quieter of the two. "Eric, you might as well say what you think. I'm taking a poll to see if everybody thinks I'm nuts."
Eric looked sour. He looked at the door, from which Shaw's sobs could still be heard. Obviously the boy's distress had gotten to him. "I guess... Well, I don't want to see you end up like Shaw, but..." He took Jack's hand. "Jack, I think Wynn's a lot stronger than Shaw. He'll be okay. And if he's not, we can help him then, but Shaw needs help right now."
It was obviously hard for Jack to give up the idea of having me in their room, but he'd come to appreciate Eric's sensitivity. And he had a good idea how stubborn I could be. He sighed. "Okay. I wasn't looking forward to having a basket case room with us, but I guess we can manage."
I snorted. "I'll get with you as soon as I'm another basket case. Let's tell Shaw and make at least one person happy." I opened the door.